Forced

posted 3-11-03

I've been feeling lost and lonely without you by my side

I have no right to be angry, you have no menacing thoughts to hide

I don't understand why you're gone, I had so much faith it would last

I miss you, but I'll move on, it's too bad you're in the past

---

He had you before, and now he has you again

And whatever you say, still seems like I'm losing a friend

You pretend nothing has changed, hope I can rise up from the fall

Cause everything has changed, don't you know me at all?

---
How are you so happy when I feel like this?

You say you want me happy, but it's you I miss

I can see now forever, just friends we will be

But how can we be friends?  You don't spend time with me

---
So I push you away, though I long to see your face

I say words I don't mean, and I live in disgrace

It scares me to lose you, and I don't want to cause you pain

But I can't stand to see you together, my heart goes insane

Walking in Circles

posted 3-12-03

I'm sitting here and I can't find my way home

Nothing to fear?  Well I'm scared when I'm all alone

I make my own path and I can't tell wrong from right

I never ask for a way till I've lost my light

---

I've come so far, seems a shame to turn around

And the whispering wind, it whistles a beautiful sound

---

A step echoes and more follow

I turn to look, but where did He go?

The steps seem to slow, will I ever know

Am I alone?  I may never know

---

So I stay on my path and try to make it on my own

I will always walk that path, even though I walk alone

---

All the heights and steep sloping valleys

They seem too great for reality

My eyes pull me along on my way home

Yes my eyes pull me along, I want to go home

---

It's all too much and there's nowhere to hide

It was only days before when my spirits had flown

I'm torn apart with battles inside

I can't do this all alone, not on my own

---

But I will stand against adversity

Until at last, I reach security

Always I will stand for my cause

The world's words will not give me pause

Though I'm caught by the claws of sin

He will lead me home

Tired

posted 3-12-03

I want to get away from this mess

My mind is slipping and I'm in distress

My thoughts are clouded, I've gotta get away

I don't want to stay, I've gotta get away

---

This world keeps dragging me down

Why can't I hold on to what I've found?

Don't want the world to suck me down

I need to find some time to be by myself

---

This storm is gonna hit soon

Pressure's building and it's gonna let loose

I look at the sky, I don't know why, but I've gotta try

I've gotta hold out through the night

---

I'm dreaming the demons are in my life

I wake to find out it's true

Life is blurred, balanced on the edge of a knife

Old gives way to the new

In Vain

posted 3-20-03

My soul is lost and broken

By the words I've spoken to you

I feel so alone without your smile

I'll be lost for a while without you

---

I know it brings you pain to hear me speak of my love for you

And I can't see past the rain, can't find what I need to get me through, past you

---

So I try to hold it in, for the sake of you, but it breaks free

I don't know what you're feeling, just wish I could help you, but you're hurt by me

---

Is my love wasted?

Doesn't seem like it'll turn you around

Is my love wasted?

It just seems to knock me down

Down

posted 3-20-03

I have been falling away

from what I thought I knew

I don't have much hope today

because I am bound to lose

---

Follow me

but at your own risk

You will see

the life I thought I missed

---

I don't like this

world that changes me

I want to break this

lock and set us free

---

Can you help this?

Doesn't seem like you try at all

Can you break this?

Is it even practical?

---

All these feelings

are fake and false

Am I living?

I can feel life's pulse

---

Take me away

I can't take this all

I see the change

Although it is gradual

---

I've been pressed down

I don't have what it takes

I've been beaten down

I can't find what it takes.... in me

---

I don't like this

Why can't they just let me be?

I will hate this

Until I am set free

Love

posted 3-20-03

Why is it that love

When shared by two souls

Is a source of unequalled beauty?

Yet that same love

When felt only by one

Summons only pain and sorrow?

---

How cruel is that experience?

Yet who could be blamed?

Certainly not that one without love

For often they wish they could love

That one which loved them so dearly

But they find that their feelings turn up short

---

Who is to say which place is the better

To love another that will never return that love

Or to wake to find you will never love?

And who is the victim?

Both sides feel pain and guilt

And what they had at the start will never be relived

Content

posted 3-20-03

Here I sit beneath my tree

Seldom a thought occurs to me

I sit and enjoy the simple life

Here beneath my maple tree

---

I don't dwell on what life could be

I don't dream of things I can't see

Yes I am content with the simple life

Here beneath my maple tree

---

The world passes by, a deaf ear to me

They struggle and try, yet miss the key

Can't they see the good things in life

Here beneath my maple tree?

---

Friends and family are here with me

They stay for awhile, but always leave

They want more than a simple life

Like mine beneath my maple tree

---

One day a young boy traveled by

He wanted all things that money could buy

Try as I might he wouldn't see

The joy I had found in my maple tree

---

An old man passed just the other day

Such a sullen gaze, he decided to stay

To seek the same joy he saw in me

As I sat beneath my maple tree

---

So many come, but none of them stay

They can't see the truth, so they won't delay

They rush on in their lives, oblivious to me

Yet here I remain beneath my maple tree

---

The truth is so simple, so pure, and so fair

It is to love not to hate, or just simply to care

God is my rock, but too cold that would be

So I refer to him as my maple tree

A girl I knew...

posted 3-20-03

Once I knew an innocent girl

Seemed to most she was given the world

She laughed and she cried and inspired us all

And how much she loved, I can still recall

---

Such a beautiful soul she held inside

It hurt me to see her with tears in her eyes

No one can see the pain she bears

All the hurt and suffering she wears

---

I wish I could've seen inside her head

So I could give comfort in all that I said

But I'm forced to sit and watch her cry

Unable to help, lost and desperate am I

Life?

posted 3-20-03

It is so easy to lose sight

of that which really matters

For life without God is not life at all

but rather, a conscious death

---

For now we live in the pleasures of sin

but once God is removed from us once and for all

no pleasure again will we ever experience

For God loved us so much, that he allowed even those who know him not, to experience happiness

---

But what is happiness without joy, eternal joy?

It is a fleeting moment, soon forgotten

True joy endures and brings comfort in trial

Happiness is temporary, while joy instills hope

---

We should be forever grateful for the mercy of God

He gives true joy and escape from death

There is no worse fate that separation from Him

Condemned from the moment of birth, we are handed salvation when death is a more worthy reward

Psalm

posted 3-20-03

God, how great and loving You are!

The world attacks and scorns me

But still You are there

I am rejected and struck down

But You will never turn me away

It is all I can do to stare in awe

You piece together lives like a master builder

I feel so small, yet I rejoice in that fact

How could I ever do good without Your hand to guide me?

We are so incredibly unworthy of Your love

Yet You give it so willingly

And all You want in return is for us to accept that love and share it with others

You sculpt time and mold nations

Yet always You work for our individual good

No detail is missed or meaningless

It is an infinitely complex masterpiece

We are Your paints and brushes

I am Your tool, I pray You use me as You see fit

I am a broken, weathered instrument, but I pray You will use me